Category Archives: Tee’s College Chronicles

Black Silk or How to Turn a Man Down In 3 “Easy” Steps

I learned a long time ago that when a man approaches you to ask for a date, you should never be rude, but make it quite clear if you aren’t interested. You can smile and keep walking if he tries to grab your hand on the street. You can politely entertain his conversation, and then, still politely say “No thank you” or something to that effect when he asks if he can call you. I’ve had some good experiences avoiding men I wasn’t interested in…but I’ve also had some bad ones. Let’s begin…

I’ll never forget, I lived in the “athletic” dorm in college (They weren’t really allowed to call it that, but that’s pretty much what it was because a vast majority of the student-athletes lived there, but I digress) There was this guy on the soccer team who ALWAYS tried to ask me out. I tried time and again to let him down gently, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He just WOULDN’T!  And I reallywasn’t interested. For starters, when he introduced himself (and sadly, I don’t remember what his actual name was) he said…and I quote, “My name is Whatever-Since-I-Can’t-Remember-His-Name, but all the ladies call me Black Silk.

*Grand Opening, Grand Closing*

BLACK SILK????!!!! THAT’S what you’re opening up with?! And “ALL THE LADIES CALL YOU BLACK SILK”???? Sir, that is not the way to my heart, nor any other woman’s heart. But, of course, I didn’t say any of these things aloud. I simply smiled, said, “No thanks. I’m not really into dating right now”, or some other type of excuse.

A few days later, when he asked me out the next time, I’m sure I came up with some other evasive thing to say and managed to hightail it outta there before he started massaging my hands again. (Yeah, he was THAT guy)

One day,he cornered me in the hall on the way into my room after cheerleading practice.  Again, don’t quite remember what he said, but again, I managed to give him the slip. After I went into my room and looked out of my peephole, I saw him standing there for a while, staring at my door…..yikes…….

A few days later I was eating lunch ins the café with my roommate (who also happened to be my sister) , and her then-boyfriend (who also happened to be on the soccer team) came walking over to our table.

Him:  Hey Tee… My boy Whatever-Since-I-Can’t-Remember-His-Name on the soccer team wants to know what’s wrong with you. *snickers under his breath*

Me:  *incredulous* What’s wrong with me????

Him:  Yeah, he said he gave you three chances. *laughing becomes louder*

Me:  Three chances? Three chances for what?????

Him:  Three chances for you to go out with “Black Silk” *throws head back in full laughter*

Me:  This is not funny! I’ve been avoiding this guy for the longest. I keep turning down his dates, but he just doesn’t seem to be getting them memo.

Him:  I know. That’s exactly what he said. He said YOU’RE not getting the memo. The ladies love him, so he doesn’t understand why you’re being so ridiculous.

Me:  I’M being ridiculous??????

Him: *dies laughing*

Needless, to say, I never did go out with Black Silk and I’m not sure what happened, but he never tried to ask me out again after that. But whenever I saw him around the dorm or on campus I always got the mean side eye…..

Ladies, how many of you have a funny story about avoiding a guy? How about you guys? Any crazy stories about avoiding a woman? Send submissions here and I’ll pick the two funniest and post them to my blog.

Advertisements

Tee’s College Chronicles: Your Burger or your Life

Those who have ever lived in the District of Columbia at any time in their lives know that neighborhood-wise, DC can be very hit or miss. You could be in a relatively safe area, and on the next block, you could be in a not-so-safe area. As a somewhat long-term resident of DC, I learned how to navigate in and around these places. One place, however, I would go, no matter what: The Burger King on Florida Ave. It wasn’t in a HORRIBLE place, and truthfully, if you went there now, you wouldn’t think anything was wrong with the area, but when I lived nearby, it wasn’t the greatest place to be, especially at 2:30 in the morning.

One night my roommate (who also happens to be my sister) and I decided that we needed Burger King…and we needed it that very second. I’m not sure WHY we needed Burger King at 2:30am, but, hey, it was college and getting burgers and fries at ignorant hours is what college students do.  So we hopped in my car and made the short drive over to BK on Florida Ave.Now, let me explain how this Burger King drive-through is set up: You come around the side of the building and the place where you order has you blocked in. There is no possible way for you to get out of line unless you back out (assuming no-one is behind you) or you just pull all the way through and drive out of the parking lot. In other words, this drive-through is the perfect place to get mugged. But yet and still, we went there…at night….often.

On this particular night, as we drove up to place our order, I happened to see a skinny guy come walking from next to the dumpsters. I’ve always had a sixth-sense when it comes to impending danger, but for whatever reason, my desire for Burger King somehow overrode my desire for safety (And I KNOW what you guys are thinking. NO, we were NOT high…jerks). As I began to order our food, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the skinny guy walk over toward my car. He COULD have just been walking around to go to the other side of the Burger King, but something inside of me knew better. The guy came RIGHT up to the passenger window with something rolled up in a sweatshirt over his right hand. I knew this kid either had a gun, or was pretending to have a gun so that he could rob us, but either way, we were ALREADY in the drive-through line, and we couldn’t get out unless we backed up or sped forward.

My roommate was in the passenger seat and COMPLETELY oblivious to what was going on outside the window. I had to think fast. I didn’t want her to make any sudden moves, or surprise the guy outside, but I knew I had to alert her to what was going on, so the conversation went like this:

Me: Okay, stay calm and don’t look, but there is a guy outside of your window, and I’m pretty sure he has a gun.

Her: What, what what what what what what what? (She really said it that many times)

Me: Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look, don’t look. (I really said it that many times)

Her: Omigod omigod omigod omigod

In the process of this happening, the guy runs off back behind the Burger King. So, of course, we make our escape, right? WRONG. We turned to each other and I asked my roommate if she still wanted her Burger King. Sheepishly, she said yes. I laughed and said, “Good, because I didn’t want to leave either.” We hadn’t even paid yet, and most sane people would have left that Burger King after (maybe) almost getting mugged, but we had gotten our mouths ready for Burger King, and by God, we were going to have it. We laughed and drove up to the pick-up window.

No sooner had we paid our money to the girl at the window, but I looked to my right…AND THE GUY WAS BACK!!!! He still had whatever rolled up in that sweatshirt in his hand and now that we were in the light, I could see that he was all sweaty as if he had just run 10 miles, so I KNEW he was high. A feeling of dread came over me.

Me: Okay, the guy is back…but don’t look.

Her:  What, what what what what what what what?

Me: What do we do? What do we do?

Her: I don’t know, I don’t know!

Again, we could have just pulled off….but for whatever reason, we didn’t. We just sat there like some dummies. And then, just as quickly as he walked up, he ran away, again. In my rearview mirror, I could see that he had gone back behind the Burger King and then I saw him throw something into the dumpster.  In the next moment, the girl came back to the window with our food.

BK Girl: Here’s your food

Me: Thank you. Sooo, hey, you guys might want to call the cops. There’s a guy lurking in the dark back there and I’m pretty sure he had a gun. I think he threw it into your dumpster, though.

BK Girl: And y’all stayed here this whole time? Why didn’t you drive off?

Me: Ummm….we REALLY wanted Burger King.

The girl shakes her head at us and my roommate and I drive back to our apartment.

Later on while eating our food my roommate says, “You know we almost died over some flame-broiled meat and fries tonight.” “Yeah, I know”, I replied. “But it was totally worth it. This is so good….and by the way,  we CANNOT tell Mom and Dad about this.”

%d bloggers like this: