The Master Cleanse Chronicles: Round 8….FIGHT!!! (Rated XXX…LOL)

Current mood:optimistic

So I’m down to the wire with this whole Master Cleanse experience.  I have two days left and I cannot wait until I can eat solid foods again.  I’m not hungry, thanks to the cayenne, but the very idea of food is oh so intoxicating.  LOL.   Here is a conversation that I actually had with K this evening

Me:  I’m TIRED of this.  I want to eat REAL food!!!

K:  Well if you feel like you’re all cleaned out, go ahead and eat something

Me:  Even if I did try to eat today, I would only be allowed to have orange juice.

K:  Well, it’ll be okay.  You made it this far

Me:  **singing in an old Church Mama voice** We’ve come this fa-ah-ar by faith…

K:  See, you can do it.  Only 2 more days

Me:  I know.  I’ll just go look at food porn now.  It helps me.

**opening Jessica Seinfeld’s Deceptively Delicious cookbook… with pictures**

** Cue cheesey 70s porn music**

Me:  OOoooh mozzarella sticks, AAAaaaah Macaroni and cheese. MMmmm 

K:  And just like real porn, it doesn’t do anything but give you bad ideas that get you into trouble.

But that’s the thing, guys.  The food porn helps me!  LOL. I sat and made a grocery list today… FOR LIKE 2 HOURS!  I felt FANTASTIC afterwards…LOL

In any event, day 8 was kinda tough because I went back on the Senna Leaf Tea and the SWF.  Ugh.  This morning wasn’t fun.  I like to sleep in, but I have found that the Master Cleanse, in much the way a child (or a spoiled dog named China ) does, will not let you sleep when you most want to.  At least my body’s clock will be primed and ready to wake up early.

On the physical end, no leg pain to report, but I do see some sinister looking bumps on my face that look like they want to turn into pimples.  One of them is planning on setting up shop in the middle of my FOREHEAD.  Right between my eyes.  Not if my trusty Proactiv and I can help it.  Take THAT evil-doers!!!!  I refuse to become a unicorn. Everyone KNOWS they don’t exist.  Also, my tongue still isn’t coated but my teeth are.  THEY FEEL DISGUSTING!!!!  I want to pull them all out!  Yuck.  Okay…so I don’t REALLY want to pull them out, but they do feel nasty.  I’m brushing like 12 times a day.

Oh, and I’ve finally put my finger on what the salt water flush tastes like.  You know when you’re at the beach and you’ve swallowed a TON of seawater and then you go and jump into the pool and swallow a TON of pool water?  Yeah, that’s what the SWF reminds me of.  Yuck.  No longer the devil’s elixir, but it still sucks.

I think when I’ve finished the cleanse, I’m going to go straight into the South Beach Diet, so that I won’t get back those unhealthy cravings.  I figure if I start correctly straight out of the gate, I won’t stray to far.  I’m going to play it by ear, though.  It’ll also be easier for me to eat healthier even when I go out because they just opened a BD’s Mongolian Grill by my house.  And I get to it before I get to the Waffle House, so they placed it perfectly…LOL.

Well that’s all for today.  Hopefully tomorrow will go as quickly as today did.  My lemonade, however, did NOT go quickly today.  I slid into home plate at about 11:57pm.  I was pushing it.  Oh, and just a word to the wise:  DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT swig down your lemonade to beat the clock like I did.  You will regret it.

 

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Posted on November 3, 2011, in The Master Cleanse and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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